Supporting Bereaved Children: A Guide for Counsellors and Psychotherapists

Grief and bereavement in childhood can have profound and lasting effects on a young person’s emotional and psychological development. As a counsellor or psychotherapist, understanding how children process loss and providing appropriate support is essential in encouraging resilience and healthy coping mechanisms. 

Bereavement can disrupt a child’s sense of security and normalcy. Children who have experienced the death of a parent, sibling, or close friend might be more likely to experience mental health issues, behavioural challenges, and/or difficulties in education. Therefore, the proper knowledge and techniques are critical to effective therapeutic intervention. 

This guide will provide an overview of key concepts in child bereavement, practical strategies for working with grieving families, and creative techniques to support children through their grief journey. 

Learning Outcomes 

By engaging with this guide, you will: 

• Understand the key factors affecting bereaved children and young people. 
• Learn how children’s understanding of death evolves with age. 
• Recognise common grief reactions in children and how to address them. 
• Explore best practices for discussing death with children. 
• Gain insight into working with grieving families and caregivers. 
• Discover creative and therapeutic strategies for bereavement counselling. 

Key Themes in Child Bereavement Counselling 

Age-Related Understanding of Death 

Children’s comprehension of death changes as they develop: 

• Ages 0-2: No concept of death but can sense loss and emotional distress in caregivers. 
• Ages 2-5: Death is seen as reversible or temporary. Children may ask if the deceased is “coming back.” 
• Ages 5-9: Greater understanding that death is permanent, but may still engage in magical thinking, believing their actions could have caused the death. 
• Ages 9-11: A more mature understanding of death as irreversible and universal. 
• Adolescents: Full comprehension of death, including abstract and existential aspects. 

Tailoring conversations and interventions to the child’s developmental level is crucial to ensuring that the child feels supported without being overwhelmed. 

How to Talk to Children About Death 

Many adults struggle with discussing death, often resorting to euphemisms such as “gone to sleep” or “lost.” However, these can be misleading and cause confusion.

Best practices for discussing death with children include: 

• Use clear and straightforward language – “Grandma died” rather than “went to sleep.” 
• Encourage questions – Answer honestly while being mindful of the child’s emotional state. 
• Teach life cycles – Books and movies can help illustrate the natural progression of life and death. 
• Validate feelings – Let children know feeling sad, confused, or even relieved is okay. 

Recognising Common Grief Reactions in Children 

Children express grief in varied ways, which can be behavioural, physical, cognitive, or emotional: 

• Behavioural: Withdrawal, clinginess, risk-taking behaviour, aggression, truancy. 
• Physical: Sleep disturbances, appetite changes, frequent illness. 
• Cognitive: Difficulty concentrating, intrusive thoughts about death. 
• Emotional: Anxiety, mood swings, guilt, anger, sadness.

Counsellors should observe these reactions closely and provide a safe space for children to process their emotions. 

The Role of Euphemisms in Grief Misunderstanding 

Many children misunderstand death due to the euphemisms used by adults. Phrases like “gone to sleep” or “lost” can lead to confusion, anxiety, and even fear around sleeping or separation. When assessing bereaved children, exploring the language caregivers use and gently challenging unclear or misleading explanations is important. 

The 12 Needs of a Bereaved Child 

William Worden’s research, supported by findings from the Harvard Bereavement Study and the Childhood Bereavement Network (CBN), outlines twelve essential needs for grieving children.

These needs can be categorised into three core areas: Information, Feelings, and Grief. 

Supporting caregivers in meeting these twelve needs is as essential as working directly with the child. Counsellors can guide parents, teachers, and family members to ensure these needs are met, creating a healthier grief process. 

Working with Bereaved Families 

Grief affects the entire family system. Parents and caregivers play a critical role in a child’s adjustment to loss. The functioning of the surviving parent is a key predictor of the child’s ability to cope. 

Interventions for parents may include: 

• Psychoeducation about child bereavement. 
• Encouraging open conversations about grief. 
• Helping them manage their own emotions while supporting their child. 

A family-focused approach ensures the child and their caregivers receive the necessary support. 

The “Good Enough” Grieving Parent 

Counsellors working with grieving families should recognise that parents may be struggling with their grief, making it difficult for them to support their children effectively.

The Good Enough Grieving Parent model suggests that parents should receive: 

• Psychoeducation – Books, movies, and counselling resources to help them understand bereavement. 
• Longer Assessment Periods – Giving parents time to adjust before expecting them to engage fully in supporting their child’s grief. 
• Holding and Support – Sometimes, the most valuable intervention is simply holding space for the parent until they are ready to engage. 

Creative Therapeutic Techniques for Grieving Children 

When working with bereaved children, setting clear expectations is essential. A contracting box can be a creative way to introduce the therapy process. Items in the box can symbolise different aspects of the counselling work: 

• Box – Represents the therapy space. 
• Figures – Symbolise the child and therapist working together. 
• Clock – Represents the set session time. 
• Key – Stands for confidentiality, clearly explaining when information may be shared. 
• Purse – This represents the child’s ability to “zip up” their session details but allows them to share at their discretion. 

This approach helps children feel in control of the process while making abstract counselling concepts tangible. 

Children often struggle to articulate grief verbally. Using creative interventions can help them process their emotions.

Some effective techniques include: 

• Art & Creative Expression – Drawing, painting, or sculpting grief-related themes. 
• Memory Work – Creating memory boxes, decorating candles, or making photo albums. 
• Writing Exercises – Letters to the deceased, grief journals, or poetry. 
• Play Therapy – Role-playing scenarios to help children express emotions safely. 

These methods provide children a structured way to express and make sense of their grief. 

Final Reflections 

Counselling bereaved children requires a compassionate, informed, and flexible approach. By understanding their developmental needs, grief responses, and the role of family support, therapists can create meaningful interventions to help them navigate loss. 

A crucial question in bereavement counselling is, “Why now?”. Families may seek counselling weeks, months, or even years after a loss. Understanding what has prompted them to seek support—behavioural changes, a significant anniversary, or external pressures—can provide insight into their needs and readiness for therapy. 

With the right tools and knowledge, therapists can make a lasting, positive impact on grieving children on their journey through loss. 

References and Further Reading

Child Bereavement UK – www.childbereavementuk.org  

Winston’s Wish – www.winstonswish.org