Understanding and Supporting Clients Through Complicated Grief

Even if you have experienced a similar type of loss, it’s essential to avoid projecting your grief journey onto the client. Assumptions about how someone “should” grieve can undermine the therapeutic relationship and hinder the client’s progress.

Instead:

• Adopt a stance of curiosity: Explore the client’s personal narrative and emotional responses rather than relying on generalisations.
• Recognise diversity within similar losses: For example, two clients grieving the loss of a parent may have vastly different experiences based on their relationship, cultural context, or personal resilience.
• Be vigilant about unconscious biases: Acknowledge and reflect on how your experiences might shape your interpretations of the client’s grief.

Grief does not occur in a vacuum; it is deeply influenced by the client’s cultural and religious background. Misunderstanding or dismissing these contexts risks alienating the client and undermining the counselling process.

To work sensitively:

• Engage in cultural humility: Ask open-ended questions about the client’s beliefs and mourning practices. Avoid prescriptive advice that may conflict with their values.
• Be aware of death-specific customs: Some cultures emphasise public mourning rituals, while others value privacy and restraint. Understanding these nuances can shape your approach.
• Adapt to culturally specific barriers: Clients from minority communities may face additional stressors, such as navigating grief in a setting where their traditions are misunderstood or unsupported.

Collaboration lies at the heart of effective grief counselling. By involving the client in shaping their therapeutic journey, you empower them and respect their autonomy.

Practical ways to encourage collaboration include:

• Plan the counselling journey together: Explore the client’s immediate needs and long-term aspirations. For instance, would they benefit from structured interventions like the Dual Process Model, or do they prefer open-ended exploration?
• Assign tasks between sessions: Encourage the client to engage in grief-related activities outside the counselling room. These could include journaling, revisiting memories, or connecting with mutual support groups.
• Celebrate the client’s self-healing capacity: Emphasise their resilience and ability to adapt, even amid profound loss. This aligns with a pluralistic approach, recognising the client as a co-expert in counselling.
• Customise techniques: Different approaches work for different clients. For some, discussing the details of the death might be therapeutic, while for others, this could be re-traumatising. Collaboratively decide on the most effective strategies for their circumstances.

Effective grief counselling is not about providing answers but creating a space where clients can make sense of their loss.

• Ask exploratory questions: Invite the client to share their perspectives, e.g. “What has been the hardest part of this journey for you?” or “How does your grief feel different today than it did a month ago?”
• Reframe uncertainty as growth: Help clients see gaps in their narrative not as failures but as opportunities to deepen their understanding.
• Build a safe space for experimentation: Encourage clients to try coping strategies without fear of judgement, reinforcing that grief is a dynamic, evolving process.

Recognise that no single method works for everyone. A pluralistic attitude allows adjustments based on the client’s evolving needs and preferences.

Key elements include:

• Acknowledging expertise on both sides: Your client knows their grief best, and your role is to provide tools and support to facilitate their journey.
• Drawing on multiple models: Integrate theories like the Dual Process Model or Continuing Bonds while willing to adapt as needed.
• Being cautious with protocols: While structured approaches like Shear’s 16-session protocol can be practical, tailor or deviate from them based on individual responses.