The 4 Tasks of Grieving

The 4 Tasks of Grieving is based on research undertaken by J. William Worden, PhD, who is currently a professor of psychology at the Rosemead School of Psychology, Biola University California. 

Worden, a prolific author on the subject of how grief is experienced by adults and children, published 6 books on the subject, co-authoring many more.

His grief model moved away from the fixed-stage process proposed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, who believed that individuals had to address one stage of grief before moving on to another in their healing journey.

He theorised that the grieving process could be broken down into four main tasks or ‘flexible phases’ of grieving, which could be addressed individually or at the same time.

Perhaps the biggest departure from the ideas of Elisabeth Kübler-Ross was the notion that stages could be revisited even if they felt ‘completed’.

Having worked with clients experiencing grief, I found that most presented with the stages discussed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, they never seemed to be in the same order, never followed a linear path, and sometimes some of the stages never seemed be experienced by the client.

Worden’s ideas seem so much more intuitive and in tune with how clients work through their own grief process, and they acknowledge that grief ebbs and flows throughout an individual’s life as they assimilate a new reality.

Below is a summary of how Worden conceptualised the grief process, which he broke down into 4 Tasks:

Task I: To Accept the Reality of the Loss

When someone dies, there is always a sense that it hasn’t happened; this is sometimes referred to as denial. Part of this first task is to support the client in the realisation, both intellectually and emotionally, that the person is dead and will not return. Rituals such as funerals are helpful to clients as they signify the reality of the death.

Task II: To Process the Pain of Grief

Sometimes clients will try to avoid the intense pain of losing a loved one. Society offers us lots of opportunities to distract ourselves. Processing the pain of loss and grief can help stop individuals from carrying the pain into their future, where it may be more difficult to work through.

Being with supportive people, such as friends, relatives, or maybe seeing a therapist, can validate a client’s feelings, helping them address the pain.

Task III: To Adjust to a World Without the Deceased

Losing a loved one requires clients to make both external, internal and emotional adjustments. Sometimes clients find themselves in the position of having to be both “mum and dad” while adjusting to the reality that the deceased is no longer physically with them.

Sometimes clients feel their world and future have fundamentally changed. This can lead to a loss of direction in life. Adjusting to the fact that their loved one is no longer physically with them allows clients to move on to a new future after the death.

Task IV: To Find an Enduring Connection With the Deceased in the Midst of Embarking on a New Life

In this task, the clients may find themselves considering how to stay emotionally connected with the deceased without preventing them from moving on in their own lives. It is not about forgetting the deceased, but rather the client finding themselves reconnecting and enjoying their life while remembering the memories, thoughts and feelings of the loved one.

Worden makes the point that there is no set time for these tasks to be completed, although it is likely that it would be over months and years as opposed to days and weeks.

He believes that while it is essential to address these tasks to help adjust and assimilate to the loss, the client and indeed ourselves may not experience loss or its intensity in the same way.