This week, Rory speaks with Amy Launder about supporting children of narcissistic parents during the divorce process, touching on the specific challenges this can bring.

The key points of this discussion include:

• Narcissism can cause the parents to differ in how they act during the divorce – they may use the children as weapons against each other.
• When the parents are together, the narcissistic parent might have been absent or neglectful, but now suddenly they’re all over the children because they want to win the child’s love, and take that love away from the other parent – not at all thinking about the impact on the child.
• The child is not only going through the divorce process, but also this renegotiation of the relationship with their parent.
• Divorce can cause a child to grow up faster than they might have otherwise.
• It can cause rebellion in the child, or some children may take on a parenting role, either for their siblings or even for their parent as emotional support/confidant.
• The narcissistic parent might play victim, turning the children against the other parent.
• There might be a lot of manipulation within this relationship.
• They might see the child as an extension of themselves – not their own being, but for the parent to do with them what they want.
• A child may grow up to be a ‘flying monkey’ for the narcissistic parent, doing their bidding.
• Working with the child of a narcissistic parent requires patience, maybe psychoeducation, encouragement, and acknowledgement of how difficult what they’re trying to do is, e.g. put in boundaries, go no contact with a parent.
• Create a space that is non-judgemental so they don’t feel the need to withhold things from you or feel guilty.
• There will be a lot to unpick – see the client as and where they are.